What’s Your Love Language - And Can It Reignite the Spark in Your Relationship?
Whether you’re single or in a committed relationship, you’ve probably heard about the five love languages. But what does your “love language” actually mean - and how can learning about it help you with your romantic relationships?
Ranging from gift-giving to physical touch, love languages have become a hot topic in the relationship world – and for a good reason. They’re an accessible way to find the words to express what we want out of a relationship (and there’s no shortage of fun online quizzes to help you figure it out).
Everyone can experience miscommunications in relationships. Maybe you don’t understand why your partner is obsessed with sending you flowers, even though you’ve told them that you feel more loved when take the time to watch a movie with you. Your partner might not understand why you need to hear them say how much they love you when they show you every day with a kiss.
Learning about love languages can help you solve these little miscommunications before they turn into full-blown arguments.
At KMA, our qualified relationship therapists are obsessed with helping you thrive in your relationships. Whether you’re looking for a brand new love or searching to reignite the spark in your long-term relationship, the five love languages are a great tool for you.
By the end of this article, you’ll have all of the information you need to figure out what your love language is and how you can use it to improve your relationships.
Do Love Languages Actually Matter?
The short answer is - YES.
Research has shown that knowing your love language can improve your relationships. One recent study has shown that couples who use their partner’s preferred love language have higher levels of relationship and sexual satisfaction.
Knowing your love language can also give you a new way to express your own needs in a relationship, and learn how to better meet your partner’s needs.
Sometimes, it’s easy to fall into a routine with your partner that’s comfortable, but honestly, a little bit boring. Some experts suggest that learning about your partner’s love language can help to reignite the spark that you’ve been missing.
What are the 5 Types of Love Languages?
We all express our love in our own way – some people might feel incredibly loved when receiving a fancy gift, while others would prefer to just spend some time having a deep conversation with the person they love.
We often want a combination of all of the five love languages, and might have a different love language that we use to express our love than we do to receive love from other people.
Typically, though, we have one to two love languages that we feel the most connected to. We’ve outlined the five types of love languages below:
1. Words of Affirmation
“I love it when you tell me how much you care about me. I feel loved when you use words to describe how much I mean to you.”
People whose love language is Words of Affirmation need to hear that you love them.
They feel loved when you use positive words to let them know they are valued, respected, and appreciated. They enjoy genuine compliments and little written reminders that they matter to you.
If your partner’s love language is Words of Affirmation, try sending them a text in the middle of the day to remind them of how much you care about them.
2. Physical Touch
“I love being close to you. I feel loved when you hold my hand in public or cuddle with me on the couch.”
Despite common beliefs, the love language of Physical Touch is not all about sex.
While sexual intimacy can be an important component of romantic relationships, people whose love language is physical touch feel loved when you hug them, kiss them, hold their hands, or rub their backs.
If you’re watching a movie together, they want to be cuddling with you. They just want to be physically close to you.
If your partner’s love language is Physical Touch, try finding subtle ways to touch them the next time you’re at a big event – even if it’s something as simple as sitting with your feet touching under the table.
3. Quality Time
“I love spending uninterrupted time together. I feel loved when I have your full attention in the present moment.”
The keyword for this love language is quality. People whose love language is Quality Time want your undivided attention.
When you’re spending time together, they feel valued when your phone is away and you’re listening attentively to them.
They feel special when they know you’re their priority in the given moment, and that there’s nothing more important than them that you need to attend to.
If your partner’s love language is Quality Time, try initiating a date together – one that you take the time to plan, and one where you can give your partner the eye contact and one-to-one attention that makes them feel loved.
4. Giving and Receiving Gifts
“I love showing you how much you mean to me with a gift. I feel loved when your gifts show me that you were thinking about me.”
People whose love language is Giving and Receiving Gifts appreciate “visual symbols” of love.
They love to have tangible proof that someone else was thinking about them. They see gifts as a way to keep a memory of a special moment that was shared, or as evidence of a strong feeling of affection toward them.
If your partner’s love language is Gifts, try gifting them an experience that is unique to them, like tickets to see their favourite band or sports team. Bonus points if this was something that they mentioned in a past conversation!
5. Acts of Service
“I love doing things to take care of you. I feel loved when you do the little things for me that make my life feel easier.”
People whose love language is Acts of Service want you to help them out with the small, meaningful actions that make up our daily lives.
Whether it’s unloading the dishwasher so they don’t have to, or tidying up so that they come home to a clean house, they feel appreciated when you go out of your way to make their life a little bit simpler.
Something as small as refilling their coffee cup can make them feel like you value and care for them.
If your partner’s love language is Acts of Service, try cooking your partner their favourite meal, or serving them breakfast in bed.
What’s Your Love Language?
After reading the descriptions above, you probably have a pretty good idea of what your dominant love languages are. To learn even more, take this free love languages quiz to get a quick indication of your primary love language, or take this in-depth assessment to get a detailed report on the ways you prefer to give and receive love.
Next Steps to Reigniting the Spark in Your Relationship with the 5 Love Languages
In this article, you learned what the 5 love languages are, how to identify yours, and some ideas on how they can help improve your relationships.
Now you know love languages can be a helpful way to make sure everyone’s needs are being met in a relationship.
If you want a bit of extra support in your relationship, our relationship experts at KMA are here for you. Couples Counselling can help you to create a safe environment for both parties in a relationship, and establish strategies to ensure that both of you get what you need.
You can reach out to our team or fill out our intake form below to connect with a relationship therapist.
If you’re not ready to book an intake appointment yet, you may be interested in our self-help reading recommendations on couples and relationship counselling:
- “Hold me Tight” – Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love – by Sue Johnson (2008)
- The Five Love Languages – By Gary Chapman (1995)
- “Loving Against the Odds” – By Rob Parsons (1994)
- “Intellectual Foreplay” Hogan & Hogan (2000)