Living to Impress Others? Here’s How It’s Affecting Your Mental Health

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Let’s be honest—we’ve all done it.

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Whether it’s posting a perfectly filtered photo, saying “yes” when we really want to say “no,” or buying something just to keep up appearances, most of us have fallen into the trap of trying to impress others at some point.

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But here’s the thing: constantly living for other people’s approval? It’s exhausting. And more importantly, it can seriously mess with your mental health.

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Why Are We So Obsessed With Impressing Others?

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We live in a culture that rewards visibility. Likes, promotions, compliments—they all feel good in the moment. Society subtly teaches us that our worth is tied to how we look, what we achieve, or how we present ourselves to the world.

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Not only that, but we as humans are wired for connection and belonging. We long for inclusivity and belonging in a group - simply from an evolutionary standpoint! Impressing others means staying connected, which means survival. This instinct does not just fade with evolution, we will always crave acceptance, praise, and belonging. 

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We tend to see ourselves through the eyes of others, which is called reflective appraisal. Reflective appraisal is the idea that your self worth is shaped by how others respond to you. Our identity is often reflected back through others, and if others admire or validate you - it feels like you are worthy, successful, or lovable. So, we end up chasing that feeling, hoping that their approval will somehow fix our insecurities and self doubt. The problem is, it never fully does.

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Cultural conditioning also rewards performance. From an early age, many of us are taught that love is earned. In turn, we grow up believing that we need to perform in order to be accepted. So, we keep performing - trying to be impressive, successful, likeable - just hoping that this will earn us some validation. 

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It’s no wonder so many of us end up performing rather than actually living.

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The Mental Toll of Living for Applause

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At first, it might seem harmless. A little effort to dress well, smile, and show your best self can boost confidence. But when your self worth becomes completely dependent on how others see you, things start to get heavy—fast. There is something intoxicating about applause. The likes, the praise, the recognition. It feels like oxygen - proof that you matter, that you are doing something right, that you are enough. But what happens when you begin to depend on this applause? When your sense of self worth becomes completely tied to how others respond, rather than who you really are? Living for the applause can feel like flying. Beneath the surface, it is a quiet form of self erasure… and its mental toll is heavy.

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Here’s how it can show up:

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Imposter Syndrome: You’re doing well, but deep down you feel like a fraud or a performer rather than a person. Why? Because your success isn’t rooted in your true self—it’s based on what you think others expect. Constantly thinking “will they like this, or will they approve of this?” Over time, you start struggling with your sense of self and rely on external validation. We consistently confuse external validation with internal value, and impressing others becomes a substitute for self love. 

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If we don’t know our worth, we look for someone else to confirm it for us. Here’s the trap: external validation is both temporary and conditional. One day, you’re impressive, but the next day you’re forgotten. If you build your identity on applause, you end up crumbling in silence. When you constantly try to meet others’ expectations, it can disconnect you from your own values, desires, and goals. 

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Depression & Loneliness: Putting on a façade to impress others can create emotional distance. Despite the fact that you put in the effort to cater to others and their opinions, the lack of authenticity won’t make you feel like you belong. You might end up feeling unseen or misunderstood, which can increase feelings of isolation and depression. 

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Constant Anxiety & Low Self-Esteem: ‘Validation addiction’ breeds anxiety. Trying to maintain a certain image can be extremely exhausting. You end up constantly worrying about how you’re perceived, leading to an endless cycle of anxiety. When your self worth is based on the approval of others, it becomes unstable. Any type of criticism or lack of recognition can feel devastating, and reinforces feelings of inadequacy. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not enough? The endless “what ifs” can become a loop of worry and self doubt. 

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Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: To keep up appearances or numb discomfort, some people turn to substance use, overworking, disordered eating, or other harmful habits. It’s important to identify and actively avoid these temporary ‘strategies’ as they only offer short-term relief. Often times, these coping mechanisms worsen the problem and actually creates larger issues. 

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Burnout: Trying to be everything to everyone will wear you down. You end up exhausted, resentful, and wondering what you’re even doing all this for. Although it is cliché, it’s true: nobody’s perfect! The obsession with perfectionism just turns into social burnout. 

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The Truth? You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself

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This might be hard to hear, but it’s also freeing: You don’t have to earn your worth by impressing anyone. It’s easy to say, and it’s obviously going to feel weird at first, but doing things your way will ruffle feathers. People might not get it, especially if they are used to your ‘people pleasing ways’. Some might judge. But guess what? You will be okay! 

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You’re already enough. Right now. Just as you are. Every time you choose yourself, it gets easier.

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And when you start to believe that, everything changes. You start making decisions based on what you want—not what will get the most applause.

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So How Do You Stop Living to Impress?

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It’s a process. Here are a few steps that might help:

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1. Check Your ‘Why’

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Before saying “yes” to something, pause and ask yourself: Am I doing this because I truly want to—or because I want to look good or be liked? What do I truly value? What kind of life feels right for me, even if no one else is watching? Remember, not everyone’s opinion matters, so why should you care so much? 

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2. Define Your Own Success

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Forget the highlight reels. What does your version of a happy, meaningful life look like? Write it down. Own it. When you think of it this way, it’s super freeing: most people are too busy worrying about themselves to be obsessing over your choices! That awkward thing you said? They forgot (or didn’t even notice). Let that sink in, and take the pressure off yourself. Building self worth from within, rather than from the opinions of others, leads to more resilience and peace.

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3. Detox From Comparison

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This is a powerful step towards self growth and personal peace, and the first step is to recognize the triggers! Awareness and interruption is essential to the detox. Be hyper aware and start noticing when and how you compare yourself to others. Is it when you’re scrolling online? When you’re talking to certain people? Once you catch a comparison in the act, interrupt it. 

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Social media can be a great tool, but it can also be toxic. Unfollow accounts that make you feel inadequate and take regular breaks to reconnect with reality. When you really feel the weight of comparison and overconsumption of social media, limited exposure should be your next step. Focus on ‘self defined metrics’ to think about empowering your personal agency and self awareness. Don’t delay your personal growth by focusing on external perspectives, this can lead to critical life decisions that aren’t true to you, and delay authentic growth and fulfillment.

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4. Healthy Coping Mechanisms 

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Trying not to care about what other people think sounds great, but we all do! It’s human nature. Once we come to terms with the fact that we do this, (whether it is conscious or subconscious) it is so important to shift the need for external validation to internal fulfilment. So what can we do to combat this need for external validation?

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• Seeking Support: Speaking to trusted individuals or professionals will give you the emotional support you need, but also will help you gain perspective. Since the impact of external validation can be consuming, it’s refreshing to have individuals who can support your growth and desire to be more self sufficient. Make a mental “inner circle” of people that you trust. If they genuinely care, maybe it’s worth listening to. Therapy is a beautiful way to explore and implement coping strategies and challenge negative thoughts through the gradual implementation of positive, yet realistic ones.

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• Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle: Physical tension in your body is a direct result of mental and emotional distress. Regular exercise can release endorphins which boosts your mood and overall physical health and wellbeing. Not only that, but supporting this with a healthy and balanced diet will allow your body to flourish with the nutrients you need to function optimally.

• Relaxation and Mindfulness: Try meditation! Regular meditation can actually reduce anxious feelings and create a sense of calm. Similarly, deep breathing and journaling are excellent examples of calming the nervous system and providing an outlet for your thoughts and feelings.

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5. Practice Being Real

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You’re not broken for caring. Most of us care way too much, and not caring what people think sounds great, until you’re stuck staring at your phone overanalyzing a text, or hesitating to post that thing you really want to share. We all want connection, approval, and a little validation here and there; but isn’t it way more meaningful when you get these reactions to your true feelings and personality? When you’re not sure what you believe, you’ll just end up trying to please everyone else. Spoiler alert: it’s just impossible. Start getting clear on your values. What actually matters to you? What kind of life do you want? Once you know that, it gets easier to stop ‘bending’ for every opinion that’s thrown your way. Caring less about what others think does not make you rude or rebellious, it makes you free. So go and live your life! Say what you mean. Wear the shoes. Post the reel. Be a little louder than what feels safe.

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Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. Show your flaws. Laugh at your mistakes. Being real is powerful—and way more sustainable than being perfect. Perfectionism is often fear dressed up as ‘high standards’. You are not going to get it perfect - and that is more than okay! Again, there is nothing wrong with caring, but the trick is realizing when it’s running your life.

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6. Celebrate Inner Wins

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Those quiet, personal victories like overcoming self doubt, setting boundaries, or staying true to yourself and your values - can be powerful. Choose rest over hustle? Speak up when it was uncomfortable? Acknowledge and reflect, create a ritual, and treat yourself! What did you learn, and what strength did you tap into? How can you carry that forward, and utilize this in future situations? Honour these wins, and celebrate them. 

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‍Final Thoughts

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Living to impress others might bring short-term validation, but it robs you of long-term peace. Your mental health, joy, and authenticity matter more than anyone’s approval.

So here’s your reminder: You’re allowed to live life on your terms. Not everyone will get it—and that’s okay. The people who truly matter will love you for who you are, not for the performance.

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If you’ve ever felt like you overly rely on external validation, or you find yourself feeling disconnected from your true self, therapy can get you back on track. Therapy is an amazing and healthy coping mechanism to help you with the struggles of everyday life. 

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At KMA Therapy, our team of experienced therapists can help you work through challenges like building self-esteem, overcoming societal pressures, and redefining your emotional well-being. Book your 15-minute discovery call today and start your journey toward a more confident, authentic you.

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