5 Ways to Set Boundaries During the Holidays
You’re getting ready for the holiday season.
Not only are you planning meals, wrapping gifts, and packing luggage - but you’re mentally preparing to lose your normal routine.
It’s the time of year when families come together, which can be wonderful and overwhelming all at once.
Here at KMA Therapy, we’re experts on helping our clients navigate and balance the different aspects of their lives. For over 14 years, we’ve been teaching our clients and community how to set effective boundaries in order to get what they need.
After reading this article, you’ll know why boundaries are important and how to set boundaries with yourself and others.
What is a Boundary?
Boundaries are limits you set based on your emotional and physical needs.
For example, you may love going out for dinner with friends, but you have a hard boundary of being home by 10pm on work nights. This helps meet your physical need for sleep and your emotional need to relax and reset before a new day.
Boundaries create a framework that helps you understand and express these needs, and helps you know what works best for you in your relationship with yourself and with other people.
Why are Boundaries Important?
Boundaries are important because they help you set a standard for how you want to be treated and how you want to live your life.
Boundaries help you to feel safe and respected, and they can help you build trust with yourself and other people.
Boundaries can help you:
- Ease stress
- Avoid burnout
- Maintain your finances
- Build and maintain trust
- Improve your relationships
During the holidays, boundaries can also help you enjoy the time you’re spending with those around you without becoming overwhelmed by the chaos that can come with the season.
Why is it Harder to Maintain Boundaries During the Holidays?
Boundaries can be harder to maintain during the holidays because you’re thrown out of your normal routine and you’re spending more time with family members you may not see often.
If you have complex relationships with family members, boundaries can often be easier to navigate from a distance. It’s easier to set a boundary by not picking up a phone call than it is to physically leave a conversation that’s making you uncomfortable.
If you’re usually really good at routinely putting your phone away an hour before you fall asleep, you might find yourself scrolling all night in someone’s guest bedroom.
Your normal boundaries might not work as well for you during the holidays, and it’s okay to be flexible. What you need can change throughout the year, so your boundaries can change too.
5 Ways to set Boundaries with During the Holidays
Setting personal and relationship boundaries during the holiday can help you enjoy the season without feeling completely out of control.
1. Set realistic expectations
First off, be realistic about what you expect from yourself this holiday season.
There’s enough going on without judging yourself for not keeping up with your meditation practice or skipping out on a workout.
If there are certain things that you really benefit from, like daily exercise, modify what your routine looks like in order to make it more manageable.
If you really like to go on a long run every morning, try going for a quick walk around the block instead.
2. Maintain your self-care
If there are things you usually do to feel good, don’t compromise on them.
It’s not selfish to make sure you’re operating at your best.
If you’re happy and well-rested, you’re less likely to snap at other people, and you’ll be more capable of participating in creating happy holiday memories.
3. Create physical boundaries
Sometimes, creating a physical distance between yourself and other people is one of the most effective ways to set a clear boundary.
Whether this involves taking a drive by yourself or just sitting in a room with the door closed, creating a physical barrier between you and the people around you can be a great way to pause and reset.
Even though the holidays are a time to be together, it’s okay to take ten minutes to be alone.
4. Protect your time
You probably have a pretty big to-do list leading up to the holidays, and your time is important.
Don’t be afraid to say “no” to things that aren’t your priority.
5. Unplug
Whether you’re tempted to check your work emails or scroll through social media, make sure you’re taking time to unplug from technology during the holidays.
This might involve setting an “out of office” reminder that lets colleagues know who else they can go to for support, or setting a screen-time limit for certain apps that you know will be too tempting to completely ignore.
Communicating Your Boundaries
Setting your boundaries that involve other people involves one more step - letting other people know what you need.
After you’ve decided what your limits are, you need to communicate them. This can seem overwhelming, but these tips can help you politely and firmly communicate your needs.
When setting boundaries:
- Be specific and direct
- Choose a neutral time and place
- Focus on your feelings and needs
- Explain how you are going to maintain the boundary
Next Steps for Maintaining Your Needs
After reading this article, you know five ways to set boundaries and some communication tips to help make your boundaries effective.
Here at KMA, we know that sometimes, you want another person on your side. If you’ve ever wanted to talk to someone about communication, setting boundaries, or building a meaningful life, we’re here to help.
Register online to get started today or explore our Therapy 101 Guide to learn more.
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