âNot now, honey, Iâm tiredâ takes on a whole new meaning when youâre a new parent. Youâre exhausted, sleep deprived and have a world of new responsibilities. You barely recognize your body in the mirror, let alone want someone else to see you naked. Sex may be the furthest thing from your mind. If this sounds like you, donât worry. Itâs normal to lose your libido after having a baby. There are ways to put the desire back into your relationship and balance family life with sex life. Here are my top three tips to finding (and keeping!) that balance in your relationship:
ONE: Be Realistic
Accept that you are both going to be over extended and less likely to be jumping each others bones. Being a parent is tiring. Thatâs just a fact of life. Your whole perspective and focus also changes when you become a mom. Yet, itâs still important to nurture your relationship with your partner(s). Just because you are now a mom doesnât mean you stop being part of a couple. Try to focus less on the lack of wild sex and more on what you can do that feels comfortable. Even simple things like more eye contact, heartfelt compliments, and a long hug can go a long way in fostering that connection and intimacy as a couple instead of just parents. Everyone likes to be told they look nice â especially after having their body changed after pregnancy!
TWO: Channel Your Creativity
Sometimes, it really is the small things that make the biggest difference in our day-to-day lives.Â Sure, you may want a weekend get away, but thatâs not always feasible. Instead, try a âstay-cationâ by spending time relaxing in a bubble bath after baby has fallen asleep. You could even spice it up a bit by inviting your partner(s) to join you in the bath. Youâre going to have limited time and energy as a new parent. Ask yourself âDo I want to spend my time picking up toys and making complicated dinners, or do I want to enjoy time with my partner(s) and order takeout?â The exhausted stage isnât forever. Donât put your energy in places you may regret, like vacuuming the house just because you are worried about what visitors may think! What do you think? Youâre more important than a house guest.
THREE: Let’s Talk About Sex Baby
Communication is an important part of any relationship. The most effective way toÂ get more of what you wantÂ is by talking about it withÂ your partner(s). Open lines ofÂ communication about wantsÂ and needs in the bedroomÂ are key to a happy relationship and healthy sex life. Think about it. YouÂ talk about money and parentingÂ style, why not talk about sex?Â Just like anything else, if itâsÂ not talked about, the problemÂ will fester and become aÂ bigger and bigger issue in theÂ relationship.Â Donât let your fear or talking about the subject inhibit you from building a stronger relationship. The bond is more than just physical. By talking through all aspects of your relationship with your partner(s) â from money, to parenting style, to sex â you only make the relationship stronger, not weaker. Talk it out. Youâll be glad you did.
Having a baby doesnât have to mean the end of your sex life. It just brings a whole new dimension to your family and relationship. Savor your relationship with your baby, but also savor your relationship with your partner(s). You deserve to have it all.
By: Kelly McDonnell-Arnold