10 Questions Your Online Therapist Should NEVER Ask You!

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Published Date|
June 4, 2024

10 Questions Your Online Therapist Should NEVER Ask You!

Picture this: You've finally made the courageous decision to embark on the journey of online therapy. You've heard countless positive testimonials, read glowing reviews, and after weeks of meticulous research, you've mustered the courage to book that very first session. As you log in to the virtual platform, a whirlwind of emotions swirls within you—nervousness, apprehension, but also a glimmer of hope. You're prepared to bare your soul, to delve into the depths of your struggles, fears, and aspirations, all in pursuit of healing and understanding.

However, what if, instead of the empathetic support and validation you crave, you're met with a question that strikes at the core of your vulnerability, leaving you feeling diminished and misunderstood? Maybe something like “Why can’t you just get over it?” or “You’re just being a brat.”

You’d be absolutely shocked at the number of times our clients have shared these types of horror stories from their previous therapy experiences. Sometimes people feel like it’s “tough love” or solution-focused, but it’s downright unacceptable! 

At KMA Therapy, we understand the significance of fostering a supportive and nurturing environment—one where every client feels heard, respected, and validated in their experiences. Read on as we explore the transformative power of compassionate therapy and the impact it can have on your journey toward a healthier you!

10 things you should never hear in online therapy!

When seeking therapy, especially online, it is important to feel safe and respected. Therapists are trained to handle sensitive topics with care, but sometimes, questions can be inappropriate or unprofessional. Here are ten questions your online therapists should never ask you, along with an explanation for why they cross ethical boundaries.

1. Why can’t you just get over it?

Suppose you have been struggling with anxiety for months. Every day feels like a battle, and even the simplest tasks leave you feeling drained. After much hesitation, you finally decide to seek help. You find an online therapist and raise the courage to share your feelings, hoping for empathy and support. 

As you pour your heart out, your therapist looks at you and says, “Why can’t you just get over it”? This question hits you hard. It is as if all your fears and anxieties have been dismissed in one fell swoop. You start doubting yourself, wondering if maybe you are making a big deal out of nothing. But deep down, you know it is not that simple. Anxiety is not something you can just “get over” like flipping a switch. It is a complex and often debilitating condition that requires understanding and patience.

2. Isn’t it your fault that you’re in this situation?

Imagine you’ve just been through a rough breakup. The kind that leaves you questioning everything about yourself and your life. You have decided to search for therapy to help you make sense of your feelings and find a way forward. During a session, spill your heart out about the relationship, sharing your sadness, confusion, and even the mistakes you think you made. You are looking for some insight, maybe a new perspective. But instead, your therapist asks, “Isn’t it your fault that you are in this situation?”

Suddenly, it feels like you are on trial. You came for support, not to be blamed. The question stings, making you feel even more isolated and misunderstood. Therapy should be a space where you feel safe to explore your feelings and experiences without fear of judgment or blame. At KMA Therapy, we believe in fostering a caring environment where you can talk openly about your struggles. Our therapists work to understand your perspective and help you see things more clearly, without assigning blame. We are here to help you grow and heal, not to point fingers.

3. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?

Let’s say you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, juggling multiple projects with tight deadlines. The stress has been mounting, affecting your sleep and mood. Finally, you decide to talk to your therapist about it. As you describe the pressure you are under, you hope for some coping strategies or just a bit of reassurance. But then your therapist says, “Don’t you think you are overreacting?”

It feels like a punch to the gut. Your concerns are real to you, and being told you are overreacting only adds to your stress and self-doubt. It is not about whether your reaction is proportional; It is about finding ways to manage your stress and feel better.

4. "Have you tried being happier?"

Assume you have been battling depression for months. You have lost interest in things you once loved, and getting out of bed feels like a monumental task. You finally decide to seek help, hoping for some guidance and support. During a session, as you share your struggles, your therapist asks, “ Have you tried being happier?”

This question feels like a slap in the face. If it were as simple as choosing to be happy, you would not be in therapy. Depression is not a matter of choice, It is a serious mental health condition that requires understanding and treatment.

5. "Why are you still upset about that? It happened so long ago."

You have been carrying the weight of past trauma for years. It is something that still affects you deeply, even though it happened a long time ago. You decide to open up about it in therapy, hoping to find some relief and understanding. But as you recount your experience, your therapist asks, “Why are you still upset about that? It happened so long ago.”

It feels like your pain is being dismissed as if there’s an expiration date on your trauma. But trauma does not just disappear with time. It can linger, affecting your thoughts, feelings, and behavior long after the event.

6. "Can you stop crying and calm down?"

Think you are in the middle of a therapy session, talking about something deeply painful. The emotions are overwhelming, and tears start streaming down your face. You hope for some comfort, maybe a kind word or two. Instead, your therapist says, “Can you stop crying and calm down?”

This request feels like a rejection of your emotions. Crying is a natural and healthy method to express feelings, especially during therapy. Being asked to stop can make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your emotions.

7. "Are you sure that happened?"

You have experienced something deeply painful, and you are finally ready to talk about it in therapy. As you share your story, hoping for empathy and understanding, your therapist interrupts with, “Are you sure that happened?”This question can feel like betrayal. It undermines your experience and makes you question your memories. Therapy should be a place where you feel believed and supported. 

8. "Why haven’t you followed my advice?"

You have been trying to implement the strategies your therapist suggested, but life has been overwhelming. When you share your struggles, your therapist responds with, “Why haven’t you followed my advice?”

This question feels like a personal attack. It implies that you are not trying hard enough or that you are failing in some way. But therapy should be about collaboration and understanding, not judgment.

9. "Do you think your problems are really that bad?"

You are discussing your struggles and your therapist downplays them by asking, “Do you think your problems are really that bad?”This question minimizes your struggles and makes you feel like your concerns are not valid. But every problem, no matter how big or small, deserves attention and care.

At KMA Therapy, We believe that all your concerns are valid. We are here to listen, understand, and help you work through your issues. Your problems matter, and we are here to support you in finding solutions.

10. "Are you always this difficult to deal with?"

You are sharing your frustrations and challenges, and your therapist responds with, “Are you always this difficult to deal with?” This question is not only rude but also unprofessional. It can make you feel judged and misunderstood. Therapy should be a place where you feel respected and supported.

How to Choose the Right Online Therapist

Choosing the right online therapist can feel like a daunting task. We believe it should be a fun and exciting journey! After all, finding the right therapist can make a huge difference in your life. Whether you are new to therapy or switching from an in-person therapist, we are here to guide you with some quick, down-to-earth tips.

  • Check Their Credentials: Make sure they are licensed and qualified. Imagine you are Sherlock Holmes, but instead of solving crimes, you are verifying licenses.
  • Find Your Therapy Style Match: Think of therapy styles like ice cream flavors. Do you prefer CBT(vanila) or art therapy (rocky road)? Explore our options at KMA Therapy.
  • Get a Vibe Check During the First session:The first session is like a first date. If it feels like talking to a brick wall, swipe left and try someone else.
  • Technology Should Not Be a Tripping Hazard: Your therapist should use reliable platforms to avoid glitchy sessions. At KMA Therapy, we ensure smooth and secure connections.
  • Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, it probably is. Trust your intuition about the therapist.
  • Flexibility is Key: Your therapist should offer flexible scheduling. We try to fit into your busy life with evening, weekend, or lunch break options.
  • Check Reviews and Testimonials: See what other clients say. Happy clients are always a good sign!

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I expect during my first online therapy session?

During your first online therapy session, expect a comfortable introduction where you and your therapist discuss your goals, background, and what brings you to therapy. It's a time to establish rapport and set the tone for future sessions.

How can I prepare for my online therapy sessions?

To prepare for online therapy, ensure you have a quiet, private space free from distractions. Test your technology beforehand to avoid technical issues, and consider jotting down key points or questions you want to discuss.

What are some red flags to watch out for in online therapy?

Red flags include a therapist not respecting your boundaries, making you feel judged, consistently showing up late or canceling sessions, or making inappropriate comments. Your therapist should make you feel safe and supported.

How often should I have online therapy sessions?

The frequency of therapy sessions varies based on individual needs. Commonly, sessions are held weekly, but this can be adjusted to bi-weekly or monthly as you progress and depending on your therapist's recommendations.

Can online therapy be as effective as in-person therapy?

Yes, numerous studies have shown that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy for many mental health issues. It offers flexibility and accessibility, making it a viable option for many people.


Guiding the world of online therapy can be challenging, especially if you encounter inappropriate questions from your therapist. Remember, therapy should be a supportive and judgment-free space. If you ever feel uncomfortable or misunderstood, it might be time to find a new therapist who respects and validates your experiences.

We are dedicated to providing compassionate and effective support, creating a safe environment where you can explore your feelings and work towards healing. At KMA Therapy, we are here to support you on your mental health journey. If you are ready to take the next step, register online and start your therapy today. Don’t forget to take our Therapy 101 quiz to find the best therapist for your needs. Visit KMA Therapy to get started—your path to healing and growth is just a click away.

Author |
Haseena Baig
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