Why Are We All So Afraid of Being Cringe?

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You want to post the video.

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You actually like the outfit.

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You want to take the dance class.

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You want to tell someone you miss them.

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You want to start making music, join the running club, upload the YouTube video, sing karaoke or admit that you are extremely excited about something.

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And then one tiny thought appears:

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What if this is cringe?

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Suddenly, you're imagining how you look from the outside.

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What will people think?

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What if nobody likes it?

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What if you try really hard and aren't actually very good?

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What if someone you went to high school with sees it?

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Sometimes the fear of being cringe is funny. Sometimes it's powerful enough to stop us from doing things we genuinely want to do.

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And in a culture where almost everything can be photographed, posted, shared, screenshotted or commented on, maybe it's not surprising that we've become increasingly aware of how we're being perceived.

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But what happens when avoiding embarrassment starts determining how we live?

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Why Are We So Afraid of Being Cringe?

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At its core, the fear of being cringe is often a fear of judgment.

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We are social creatures. Other people's opinions matter to us, even when we'd prefer to believe they don't.

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We want to belong.

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We want to be accepted.

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We want other people to see us roughly the way we hope to be seen.

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So when we imagine doing something that could make us look awkward, overly enthusiastic, inexperienced or uncool, our self-consciousness kicks in.

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The interesting thing about “cringe” is that it isn't necessarily about doing something wrong.

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Often, it's about doing something earnestly.

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Trying.

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Caring.

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Being enthusiastic.

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Being inexperienced in public.

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And those things make us vulnerable.

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Being Earnest Has Somehow Become Embarrassing

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There is something particularly vulnerable about openly caring about something.

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Think about the difference between saying:

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“Whatever, I just made this for fun.”

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and:

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“I worked really hard on this and I'm proud of it.”

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The second statement gives people something to reject.

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If you pretend you don't care, criticism can't hurt quite as much.

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If the video flops?

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I wasn't really trying.

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If nobody comes to the event?

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It wasn't that serious anyway.

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If someone doesn't like your art?

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Whatever, I was just experimenting.

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Detachment can become emotional armour.

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But the armour comes with a cost.

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Eventually, protecting ourselves from looking like we care can make it difficult to actually care openly about anything.

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Social Media Means We Are Constantly Watching—and Being Watched

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Previous generations certainly experienced embarrassment.

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But they didn't necessarily grow up with the possibility that an awkward moment could be recorded and viewed by thousands of strangers.

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Today, we don't only experience our lives.

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We can also imagine how our lives might look as content.

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Would this outfit photograph well?

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Would this be embarrassing to post?

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How would people react if they saw me doing this?

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What would the comments say?

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Even when nobody is actually recording us, we may have internalized the feeling of being observed.

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We become both the person living the experience and the imaginary audience watching it.

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That can make spontaneity harder.

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Instead of asking:

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“Do I enjoy this?”

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we start asking:

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“How does this make me look?”

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The Imaginary Audience Can Be Brutal

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Most of us carry around an invisible group of people whose opinions somehow matter.

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Former classmates.

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Coworkers.

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Exes.

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People we haven't spoken to in six years.

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Random acquaintances from Instagram.

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Sometimes we aren't even sure who we're trying to impress.

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We just know we don't want them to think we're embarrassing.

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This is one of the strangest parts of self-consciousness.

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We can allow people who barely participate in our lives to influence how we live them.

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You don't start the YouTube channel because someone from university might see it.

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You don't post your artwork because an old coworker might judge it.

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You don't take the beginner dance class because you imagine everyone else will be better.

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Meanwhile, the imaginary audience is probably thinking significantly less about you than you think they are.

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Most people are busy worrying about themselves.

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Being a Beginner Is Especially Cringe

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Adults aren't given many opportunities to be visibly bad at things.

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As children, being a beginner is expected.

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You draw badly.

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Kick the soccer ball in the wrong direction.

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Play the wrong note.

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Fall off the skateboard.

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Nobody expects expertise.

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As adults, trying something new can feel strangely exposing.

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You aren't supposed to know how to salsa.

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That's why you're taking the class.

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But knowing that intellectually doesn't necessarily stop you from feeling ridiculous when you miss every step.

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Being a beginner requires accepting a temporary gap between:

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what you want to be able to do

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and

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what you can actually do right now.

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That gap can feel embarrassing.

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But there is no path to becoming good at something that doesn't pass through it.

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The Fear of Cringe Can Become Perfectionism in Disguise

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Sometimes we tell ourselves we're waiting until something is ready.

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The business needs a better logo.

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The video needs another edit.

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You need to lose weight before wearing that outfit.

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You need more experience before sharing your work.

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You need to practise more before anyone hears you sing.

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Sometimes preparation is useful.

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Other times, perfectionism is helping us avoid being seen trying.

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If you only share things once they're perfect, nobody gets to witness the uncomfortable middle.

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Nobody sees you learning.

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Nobody sees you fail.

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Nobody sees you care deeply about something before you know whether you'll succeed.

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That feels safer.

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It also makes starting almost impossible.

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Irony Can Protect Us From Vulnerability

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Modern internet culture loves irony.

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We say something sincere and immediately soften it with a joke.

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We post something we're proud of and caption it:

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“lol anyway…”

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We pretend accomplishments aren't a big deal.

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We make fun of ourselves before anyone else gets the chance.

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Humour can be wonderful.

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But sometimes irony becomes a way of creating distance from our own feelings.

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If everything is a joke, nothing can embarrass us.

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But sincerity requires us to stand behind something.

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I like this.

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I made this.

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I care about this.

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I'm excited about this.

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Those statements are surprisingly vulnerable.

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Confidence Doesn't Mean Never Feeling Embarrassed

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We often imagine confident people simply don't experience self-consciousness.

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They post without thinking.

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Walk into rooms without worrying.

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Try new things without feeling awkward.

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Maybe some people do.

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But confidence can also look like:

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“This might be embarrassing, and I'm going to do it anyway.”

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You don't need to eliminate the fear of judgment before you act.

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You can notice it and decide that it doesn't get the final vote.

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That's an important distinction.

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If you wait until you're completely unbothered by other people's opinions, you may be waiting forever.

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What Are You Actually Afraid Will Happen?

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When you catch yourself avoiding something because it feels cringe, it can help to follow the fear a little further.

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What exactly are you imagining?

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Someone laughs?

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Nobody engages with the post?

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A friend thinks your new hobby is weird?

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You aren't immediately good at something?

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Someone realizes you're trying?

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And then what?

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Sometimes naming the feared outcome makes it feel more manageable.

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You may realize the consequence you're avoiding isn't actually catastrophic.

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It is simply uncomfortable.

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And as we've talked about before, discomfort isn't always a sign that something is wrong.

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Sometimes it means you're doing something unfamiliar.

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There Is a Cost to Never Being Cringe

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Imagine successfully avoiding embarrassment for your entire life.

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You never post anything vulnerable.

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Never dance badly.

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Never tell someone you like them first.

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Never wear the outfit that's slightly too much.

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Never start the business until you're certain it will succeed.

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Never share your art until it's flawless.

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Never sing loudly enough for anyone to hear you.

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Never admit how excited you are.

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Maybe nobody laughs at you.

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But what else do you lose?

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A lot of the experiences that make life interesting require some willingness to look foolish.

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Connection requires vulnerability.

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Creativity requires experimentation.

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Learning requires failure.

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Romance requires risking rejection.

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Joy often requires enthusiasm.

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You can't completely protect yourself from embarrassment without also protecting yourself from parts of life.

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Try Doing Something Slightly Cringe

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You don't need to suddenly become fearless.

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Start small.

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Post something you genuinely like without immediately making fun of yourself.

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Wear something slightly louder than usual.

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Take the beginner class.

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Tell someone you're proud of what you made.

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Send the message first.

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Dance even though you're not particularly good.

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Talk about something you're genuinely enthusiastic about without pretending it's ironic.

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Let yourself be visibly interested.

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Then notice what happens.

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Maybe someone judges you.

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Maybe nobody cares.

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Maybe someone thinks:

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I wish I had the confidence to do that.

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And maybe you realize that surviving a little embarrassment is much easier than spending years wondering what you would have done if you weren't so worried about looking cool.

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The People You Admire Have Probably Been Cringe

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Almost anyone who creates something publicly has risked embarrassment.

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Artists make bad work before they make good work.

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Musicians play empty rooms.

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Creators post videos nobody watches.

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Entrepreneurs launch ideas that fail.

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People fall in love and get rejected.

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Confident people misread rooms.

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Interesting people sometimes try things that don't work.

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The difference isn't necessarily that they never feel embarrassed.

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They may simply have decided that being seen trying is worth the risk.

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Maybe Cringe Is Just Evidence That You Care

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There is something freeing about reconsidering what “cringe” actually means.

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Sometimes cringe is inappropriate behaviour.

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Sometimes it's a joke that didn't land.

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But increasingly, we use the word for something much more ordinary:

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Someone being sincere.

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Someone being enthusiastic.

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Someone trying.

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Someone expressing themselves without perfectly calculating how they'll be perceived.

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Maybe that's not something we need to eliminate.

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Maybe we need more of it.

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Because the alternative is a life spent constantly observing yourself from the outside.

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And at some point, you have to stop watching yourself live and actually participate.

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Wear the thing.

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Post the video.

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Take the class.

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Tell them you care.

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Be excited.

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Be bad at something.

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Try anyway.

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Being cringe occasionally might just be the price of having a life that actually feels like yours.

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Therapy Can Help With Fear of Judgment and Self-Consciousness

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If fear of judgment, social anxiety, perfectionism or self-consciousness regularly stops you from doing things you want to do, therapy can help you understand what sits underneath that fear.

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At KMA Therapy, our therapists work with individuals across Toronto navigating anxiety, self-esteem, perfectionism, social comparison and confidence.

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The goal isn't necessarily to stop caring what anyone thinks.

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It may be learning to trust yourself enough that other people's imagined opinions don't make every decision for you.

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Book your free 15-minute discovery call to find a KMA therapist who feels like the right fit.

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