Is It Rest or Avoidance? The Fine Line Between Self-Care and Numbing Out
Self-Care: Buzzword or Burnout Cure?
Self-care has become a cultural mantra. Bubble baths. Netflix binges. “Me time.” We’re told that carving out space for ourselves is the antidote to hustle culture and burnout—and in many ways, that’s true.
But here’s the problem: not all self-care is actually restorative. Sometimes, what looks like rest is really just avoidance in disguise. Instead of recharging our batteries, we’re numbing out, scrolling endlessly, or putting off hard feelings.
So how do you know if you’re giving yourself genuine rest—or if you’re just avoiding?
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The Difference Between Rest and Avoidance
Rest nourishes. It leaves you feeling lighter, calmer, and more capable of facing the next day. Avoidance, on the other hand, is a distraction that postpones the inevitable. It feels good in the moment, but often leaves you more drained or anxious afterward.
Think of it this way:
- Rest = pressing pause to breathe.
- Avoidance = hitting mute so you don’t have to hear the noise.
One is temporary relief with long-term clarity. The other is temporary escape with long-term consequences.
Examples of Genuine Rest vs. Avoidance
Here’s where things get tricky: the same activity can be either rest or avoidance, depending on your intention and outcome.
Netflix
- Rest: Watching a comedy you love after a hard day, laughing, then going to bed refreshed.
- Avoidance: Binge-watching until 2 a.m. so you don’t have to think about a tough conversation.
Social Media
- Rest: Checking in with a few friends, saving recipes or inspiration.
- Avoidance: Doomscrolling for hours, comparing yourself, and feeling worse.
Exercise
- Rest: Going for a long walk to clear your head.
- Avoidance: Over-exercising so you don’t have to sit with uncomfortable emotions.
Notice: It’s not about the activity—it’s about why and how you’re using it.
Why We Slide Into Avoidance Mode
It’s easy to confuse avoidance for rest because, let’s be real—it feels good in the moment. But avoidance usually comes from deeper emotional patterns.
- Fear of discomfort: Sitting with sadness, anger, or anxiety can feel unbearable.
- Overwhelm: When life feels too big, distraction offers quick relief.
- Low self-worth: Believing you “don’t deserve” true rest, so you numb instead.
- Learned coping: Many of us never learned healthy ways to rest, so avoidance became the default.
This is especially common in high-pressure cities like Toronto, where long workdays and constant stimulation make real downtime feel impossible.
The Consequences of Avoidance Disguised as Rest
While avoidance feels soothing in the short term, it comes at a cost.
- Unprocessed emotions pile up: The feelings you avoid don’t disappear—they intensify.
- Stress compounds: Putting off hard tasks (emails, bills, conversations) makes them bigger monsters later.
- Sleep suffers: Avoidance behaviours often disrupt natural rest (late-night scrolling, overeating, alcohol).
- Burnout accelerates: You’re “off” but never actually recharging.
Over time, the very things we use to escape exhaustion end up fueling it.
Signs Your Self-Care Might Actually Be Avoidance
If you’re wondering whether your downtime is nourishing or numbing, ask yourself:
- Do I feel better or worse afterward?
- Am I using this to recharge, or to avoid something I don’t want to face?
- Do I keep repeating the same habits, even when they leave me drained?
- Am I calling everything “self-care” so I don’t have to admit I’m struggling?
- Do I secretly feel guilty about how I spend my downtime?
If these ring true, you’re probably leaning more toward avoidance than true rest.
So… How Do You Rest Without Avoiding?
Here’s the key: it’s not about doing more, it’s about choosing more intentionally.
Rest should restore your energy, not just pass time. Some ways to cultivate genuine rest include:
- Mindful downtime: Choose one calming activity and give it your full attention (reading, journaling, or even a mindful Netflix watch).
- Body-first rest: Stretching, napping, or simply lying down without multitasking.
- Connection as rest: Spending time with safe people who replenish you, not drain you.
- Creative rest: Painting, writing, music, or play—not for productivity, but for joy.
Avoidance numbs. Rest nourishes. That’s the difference.
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How Therapy Helps You Find Balance
If you’re caught in the cycle of numbing instead of resting, therapy can help you untangle what’s underneath. A therapist helps you:
- Notice patterns: Become aware of when you’re avoiding vs. when you’re truly resting.
- Process emotions: Safely sit with feelings you’ve been dodging.
- Build healthy rest rituals: Replace numbing habits with activities that actually recharge you.
- Challenge guilt: Work through the belief that you don’t “deserve” rest.
- Address burnout: Create sustainable rhythms of work, play, and pause.
❤️ Rest Is Your Birthright, Not a Luxury
In a culture that glorifies busyness, rest often feels radical. But you deserve rest that restores you—not just avoidance that distracts you.
Learning the difference is powerful. It means your downtime becomes something that feeds your soul, not just fills your time.
💬 Ready to Redefine Rest?
At KMA Therapy, we help clients break free from cycles of burnout, avoidance, and numbing. Therapy offers tools to build healthy rest routines, process emotions, and recharge for real.
