How to Get Back into the Dating World over 40
I recently visited my friends at CTV Canada AM to talk about the (sometimes) daunting world of online dating if you're going at it the second time around.
Things have changed in the dating world over time, and let's face it, dating is no longer as simple as waiting for the local church dance to find your date.
We live in a global village, and now 67% of people over 45 have dated online. This means that two out of every three people over 45 are out there doing the same thing.
I have some thoughts about this: In my practice as a psychotherapist in Toronto, I've noticed that some people are more successful at dating than others (whether it's over 45 or not!)
Here are a few tips on how to find success:
- Buddy up: Research shows that having a buddy in anything (going to the gym, eating healthy, etc) can increase your chances of being successful. Whether you're setting up an online profile together, or going to singles events, having a friend who can keep you motivated (and provide a sympathetic ear if you don't have a good date!) is a much more pleasant experience than going it alone.
- Give it time. Many people think that they're going to meet the love of their lives on their first online experience, or the first blind date. Yes, I've really seen clients who think this way. But the truth is, in order to increase your chances of finding a good match, you simply need to meet a lot of people. I mean a LOT. (At the local church dance, there would have been maybe one person who you felt physical chemistry with out the entire group. The same goes for dating today. If you're meeting for the first time, don't expect physical chemistry just because theoretically you should. Sometimes chemistry doesn't always make sense, but it's really important to listen to your inner self.
- Set goals. If finding love is a priority for you, then set goals just like you would for anything else in your life. Don't set outcome-related goals (ie: I want to be married by November), because you are only part of the equation here. Set goals for something that's within your control, like going on at least 2 dates every month. That way, you are putting yourself in the right environment to eventually find love, and you can succeed at your goal whether the right person walks into your life or not.
Remember, above all else, enjoy the dating process. The whole purpose of finding love is for happiness, fulfillment, and joy - and the process should include some of that too!