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How To Be Kinder To Your Loved Ones Without Saying A Word

toronto-psychotherapistHave you ever noticed how promoting kindness seems to be seasonal? The concepts of compassion and being kind are touted in abundance during the holidays. Why is kindness not heralded year-round? What if movies chose kindness as a theme regardless of it being “in season?” Or a more apropos question: When is kindness ever not in season? The answer: Never. This fact is especially true in relation to your family and loved ones.

Opportunities to cultivate kindness towards your loved ones are ever-present. And, believe it or not, you don’t have to say a single word to any of your loved ones in order to demonstrate being kinder.

-It Starts With You-

If you want to work on your relationships and on being kinder to others, first work on yourself. By working on yourself I mean dedicate time to get to know you and to reflect upon how you can be kind to yourself.  This inner moment frees you to let go of your judgments about yourself and fosters a willingness to extend kindness to others.

Sounds complicated, right? Well, it isn’t. It’s actually very simple.  Simplicity does not hold our attention. We give our rapt focus to complexity without pause. Complexity means change and simplicity equates with consistency.

Who of us desires consistency? Very few of us are comfortable without change, but do not to worry. There is a meaningful way to add consistency and therefore present moment awareness of being kind, to our daily lives.

-Lucky Number 7-

Here are 7 affirmations, ideally one for each day of the week, but be kind to yourself if you forget. Don’t mix-up the order though. Just start at the 1st and progress until you reach the 7th, regardless of the actual day of the week.

Consistent practice will lead you to apply this new healthy habit. You will only need a few minutes of dedicated time each day.  The purpose of these exercises is to quiet the chatter of judgment within your mind so as to bring the present moment into your focus, allowing you to see the possibility to be kind.

Our practice session initiates with you taking 3 deep breaths. On the next breath, your 4th inhale, close your eyes and repeat the affirmation of the day to yourself. Repeat this process 2 more times. By this time, you will have taken 6 total deep breaths. On your next breath, the 7th as you inhale visualize yourself being kind and compassionate from the center of your being.  Then, exhale out all feelings of judgment.

-Ask, Pause, And Listen-

How do you feel after this process? Does that feeling remain with you during the day? Do you feel more aware of the present moment? What is it like to carve out time just for you to be kind to you? These are just a few of the myriad of questions you may pose to yourself after your affirmations each day.

Whenever anything distressing arises throughout your day close your eyes for a moment and recall the day’s affirmation. Being kind to you and practicing the affirmations does not guarantee anything in your outside world will change. It may or may not. But, your internal world and your ability to experience inner peace will dramatically improve.

Being kind to you empowers you to face any hiccup in your life with kindness as your guide. You will see possibilities rather than limitations. You will be kinder towards others because your actions are guided by kindness. Without saying a word, those closest to you will recognize your intentions as kind. Like attracts like; love attracts love; kind attracts kind. Maybe being consistently kind really does pay-off… Let’s get started.

7 Affirmations For You Journeying Towards Being Kinder:

Monday: “Being kind is letting go of judgment.”
Tuesday: “Judgment is not kind.”
Wednesday: “I choose to be led by the gentle guide of kindness.”
Thursday: “Kindness is always an option I may choose.”
Friday: “Everyone is worthy of receiving kindness.”
Saturday: “Kindness demonstrates love.”
Sunday: “I choose to share kindness with everyone.”

-Timeless Journey-

There is no set timeframe for this practice. There is no urgency or hurry. Trust that you will know when you are ready and trust that you will be willing to demonstrate being kinder to anyone, in any circumstance.

One kind hint though: when you find comfort in the consistency of the practice, you are ready to let go of it and to move forward.

How do you share kindness with others? How does it differ from how you share kindness with you or does it? 

By: Nanci Besser

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About Nanci Besser

Nanci Besser, MA is an Emotional Intelligence Specialist, Author, Speaker and Mindfulness Teacher, with a passion for kindly aligning who you are with what you want to accomplish. She is certified in the art of Conflict Resolution and Mediation and teaches mindfulness via Pilates and Psychobiomechanics. She has trained over 1,000 private clients. Her heart belongs to philanthropic outreach to support US Veterans. Join her 32 Favors Project—help share kindness. Follow her on twitter at @NanciBesser. Connect with her on LinkedIn.


2 thoughts on “How To Be Kinder To Your Loved Ones Without Saying A Word

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